Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
