I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
