shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
