i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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