If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
