I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
