i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
