She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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