I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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