You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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