I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
