He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
