I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
