Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
