There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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