After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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