I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
