HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
