I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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