I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
