All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
