I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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