i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
