Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
