There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
