You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
