tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
