I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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