You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
