My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
