I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
