ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
