I faked an abortion last night.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
