I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
