And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You took a bar mat shot.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
