LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
