He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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