He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
