i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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