youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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