Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
