I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
