why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
