it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
