the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sext me about skeletons
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
