Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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