At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i believe in u and ur pee
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
