If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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