I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
