We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
