i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
