i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
