Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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