at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
