I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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