hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
