there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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