Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
