Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
