hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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